A series of adjustments – My experiences on maternity leave

Posted on May 8th, 2025

This is my third time on maternity leave. When my first and second children were around 15 months old, I went back to working in my profession one day a week – a demanding, yet very fulfilling professional role. Now, it will be coming up to two years since I’ve worked in a professional sense. Before having children, I imagined staying at home with them for as long as possible. It was a big adjustment the first time, which became easier the subsequent times with knowing and acceptance. Do I intend to return to work at some point? Absolutely. But in the meantime, I am grateful to be on this stay at home mum ride a third time.

Something that struck me each time in the days and weeks after having my babies was the unpleasant inner experiences around transitioning to another life phase. It was the most challenging the first time, but I recognised the same thoughts and feelings subsequent times as well. While it was certainly beautiful having a newborn in my arms it was also…unnerving. This little person needed me a lot which was physically and emotionally consuming. This shook my sense of autonomy and freedom. It was also unfamiliar. I adjusted much quicker to the transition the second and third time by accepting this as a normal experience. I think transitions of all kinds can be challenging for us humans!

It is not an understatement when I say I googled a whole lot with my first baby. I had the developmental apps and searched the internet for information and tips from sleep (baby not sleeping), and breastfeeding (why does this hurt so much?) to soothing (why is my baby unsettled?). I felt guilt that my baby wasn’t doing this or that. I did this in the hope of feeling control and safety for myself amongst the unpredictable and unknown chaos of being a first time Mum. The internet did not add a beneficial sense of control or safety for me. In fact, it became more overwhelming because there is so much information. What helped was time, self-compassion, and letting go of my fear and anxiety around not knowing. While information can be helpful, it is important to remember if your baby is behaving differently, this might also be okay and normal.

Maternity leave has brought about a different pace and balance in my life. It was challenging at first. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying when my first baby was little. I think this was because outside staring at, feeding, and cuddling my baby, I felt I needed to fill my time. I think it was also a way to try and manage some of the anxieties I had around being a Mum. But I adjusted to a different rhythm, re-evaluating what was important to me in the time I had at home with my children. I also became busier with different stages and my values changed to prioritise my family and myself. If there is something that you find helps you lean into a new phase or life pace as cleaning did for me, I say do it! It might also be useful to think about how you want to use the time you have on maternity leave. At the same time, if you’re so tired because your little one is going through another developmental phase or teething (eek!), take the nap over the endless things you need to get done. It will be there when you wake up a little more recharged.

Having more opportunities throughout the day to reflect has enabled me to create more balance in my life. I take moments to be active, spend time outside, read, go out with my husband and friends, as I find these help me recharge. Second and third time around I am much more accepting of help from family because I can’t actually do it all and I start to compromise this balance.

A final thought is how my view of productivity has shifted on maternity leave. For me, productivity is spending time with each of my children in play or connection each day. I can find play challenging so when I can mindfully get on the floor and follow my kids’ lead in play, I feel productive! Productivity is also engaging in self-care and social connection because these things help me recharge and I have greater capacity to parent in ways that I value. There are lots of day-to-day tasks that come with life and having three children. So, I like to make lists. Not just so that I remember them, as sometimes my memory capacity is stretched, but also because it gives me direction and ticking them off my phone gives a satisfying sense of productivity. Fold giant pile of clothes – tick.

Children need time and connection with their main people. Maternity leave has given me a wonderful opportunity to focus on quality and quantity time with my children. But everyone’s parenting journey will be different and that’s okay. There is no perfect parenting because we are imperfect, parenting individual children. I have chosen this path because it aligns with my parenting values and what ultimately works for me and my family.

Melissa

Rockhampton Psychology Services

A series of adjustments – My experiences on maternity leave

Other stories

A series of adjustments – My experiences on maternity leave

Other stories

« Previous Story - Post-Pandemic Dread

Play is the way! - Next Story »